‘Don’t waste your life on conditional love': Man Tells His Fiancé That He’ll Divorce Her if She Can’t Have Kids, Redditors Urge Her Not to Get Married at All

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Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
May 25, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

Having kids should be one of the first things couples talk about when things start to get serious between them. This topic can singlehandedly end relationships, so to leave that topic out of the relationship can be a big mistake if you want it to work. Couples should talk openly and freely about anything that has to do with having kids – Do you want kids? How many? By what age? How important is it to you? What would happen to our relationship if we discovered that one of us couldn't have kids?

That last question is what led the couple in this Reddit story to have issues. The soon-to-be-married couple discussed the possibility that one of them can't have children, and the man stated that if his future wife is unable to give him kids, he will have no problem divorcing her and finding someone who will. 

A lot has been said about this statement, so scroll down to read the full story. After you are done with this story, click here for some witty and funny relationship texts. 

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  • 01
    Fiance (33M) states he would divorce me (33F) if we couldn't have children; I don't know what to think?
    via u/tysiphonie
  • 02
    Debated making a throwaway, but figured nah, I'll just post even though I know my partner lurks here and he knows my username. If you see this, hi, yes this is about you
    via u/tysiphonie
  • 03
    My boyfriend 33M and I 33F recently got engaged. We've had our ups and downs but for the most part are on the same page with what we want out of life. Both of us want to hold
    via u/tysiphonie
  • 04
    successful careers and also be present as dedicated parents. We are in complete agreement that we want at least two biological children. Neither of us are open to IVF is fine. ■/egg donors, surrogacy, or adoption.
    via u/tysiphonie
  • 05
    We have had several discussions where my partner states that if we try to have children and it doesn't happen in a timely manner (1-2 years), he would divorce me and find a younger woman who could fulfill his dreams of being a father.
    via u/tysiphonie
  • 06
    Naturally, this makes me sick to my stomach. I acknowledge that fatherhood is important to him, and I would do absolutely everything in my power to ensure our chances are as good as they can be. But if fate sees
    via u/tysiphonie
  • 07
    fit to not give us children despite our best efforts, I would feel horrible to be discarded. I feel like I'm about to marry someone who values me just for my uterus and what that part of my anatomy can provide him.
    via u/tysiphonie
  • 08
    If we discovered somehow that my partner was iile, I would not leave him. I believe in the "in sickness and in health"; I choose to be with him because I value our relationship together.
    via u/tysiphonie
  • 09
    Would I be devastated to not be a mother? Absolutely. But I would not abandon my partner. Half of my brain is screaming that this is a red flag. The other half is confused and hurt
    via u/tysiphonie
  • 10
    because I genuinely love this man and want to be with him. I can't reconcile the rest of his amazing qualities with this jarring, hurtful perspective.
    via u/tysiphonie
  • 11
    It's not like our life goals are different. It's not like it's an incompatibility where one person wants kids and the other person doesn't. We want the same things. I just believe
    via u/tysiphonie
  • 12
    that if we try everything possible and it doesn't happen, then maybe that's for a reason and I would be content with the life we can still build together. He would prioritize his desire to be a father over our relationship.
    via u/tysiphonie
  • 13
    Wedding is 6 months away and I'd rather not walk into a situation I might regret later. EDIT: Thank you all for the comments and the DMs. I don't have the emotional energy to
    via u/tysiphonie
  • 14
    respond to everyone individually but I read them all. There's a lot to think about and process and grieve, but I appreciate your time and loving bluntness :)
    via u/tysiphonie
  • 15
    EDIT 2 for more info: Fertility tests have been done, we are waiting on results. I've been clear that if he were the infertile one I would have no problem with staying; he has said if he is the infertile one, he fully
    via u/tysiphonie
  • 16
    expects me to leave him (even thought I've said multiple times that's not in line with my values). I think that's telling. And yes, we have discussed what might happen if one of us falls ill, gets physically died,
    via u/tysiphonie
  • 17
    etc. and his belief is that the non-ill spouse (whoever it may be) has the right to leave and achieve their goals of parenthood elsewhere. Same situation here- I could never imagine leaving my II RED SPOUSE but I guess loyalty is
    via u/tysiphonie
  • 18
    Lambsenglish · 1 day ago Wait a minute. You're not sure if this is a red flag? You're NOT SURE if this is a red flag? Jesus, girl. Have some self- respect. He's not after a wife, he's after a breeding partner. Also, do some proper research. You're not "out of time". My wife and I had our kids when she was 37 and 39.
    via u/Lambsenglish
  • 19
    FunCurrent8392 · 1 day ago • A friend of mine had her first baby at 39. She is perfect and healthy and had a normal pregnancy. OP you are not 'out of time' but you do only have one life, don't waste it on conditional love.
    via u/FunCurrent8392
  • 20
    vary BrittyKat 1 day ago • It's not a far leap from “I'll leave you if your body can't have kids for someone whose body can” to "I know you gave me kids but I'm no longer attracted to your body and am leaving you for someone with a body I am attracted to"...
    via u/BrittyKat
  • 21
    ohmydearlucia · 23 hr. ago Loooooooooooooooooove how he just assumes any woman wants him, and he can just walk away and snag a young lady to marry like he's picking up a pizza on the way home.
    via u/ohmydearlucia
  • 22
    Own Hospital_1463 · 1 day ago Get a head start, leave him and start working on a relationship with a guy who won't discard you for such a stupid reason.
    via u/Own_Hospital_1463
  • 23
    • manykeets 1 day ago 40s Female He wants kids more than he wants you. Find someone who wants you more than kids.
    via u/manykeets

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